


Saving Sophie

by SophieD



Series: Everything Ghanges [4]
Category: Leverage
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Lesbian, Reunion, Running Away, fight, friends - Freeform, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:24:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4814894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieD/pseuds/SophieD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sophie has been different since she came home from Beirut.  Parker is worried so she starts spying on her.  When Tara comes back, Parker enlists her to help Sophie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saving Sophie

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a continuation of the "Everything Changes" series. It tells Tara's and Parker's sides of the story to Sophie's 'Home Alone'.

Parker: 

Sophie has been different since she came home from Beirut. When we were in Athens, she was so happy. She told me her secret. She said she would tell me everything. But then she got stuck in the war in Lebanon. When she came home, she was sad. She didn’t want to tell me anything. She didn’t even want to talk to Nate. Sophie always talks to Nate. He was very angry with her when she was gone. He was worried too. Everyone was worried about Sophie. Everyone but me. I knew she would be OK. Sophie is the best in the world. Nothing bad will happen to Sophie. I was right. Eliot went to get her and she came home fine. But now she’s different.  
I wanted to talk to her. I tried at the office but she didn’t pay attention to what I was saying. I wanted to talk to her without the boys around. I wanted her to tell me what happened. She didn’t. So I followed her home.

I know I’m not supposed to follow people. Sophie says it makes people uncomfortable. Hardison says it’s creepy. But how am I going to know where people go if I don’t follow them? No one gave me a good answer to that so I still follow. I don’t get caught. If no one catches me then it’s not weird or creepy right?

Sophie went straight to her apartment. She didn’t stop to eat or to get food. I know she couldn’t have any food because she just came home. I wanted to know why she didn’t need food. I looked through the window. I know that Sophie would tell me that was wrong too. Eliot would yell at me for looking. How else do I find things out if I don’t look? Sometimes I go inside and look. I didn’t need to. I could see Sophie through the window. She was crying. I wasn’t sure what to do about that. I watched until she went to bed and then I went home. 

I wanted to tell Nate that Sophie was crying. It worried me. Sophie doesn’t cry. Sophie makes other people cry! She likes to make Hardison cry. She thinks that’s funny. I don’t know if it’s funny. I have to go talk to Hardison and make him feel better when she does that. Maybe I needed to make Sophie feel better so she wouldn’t cry? I tried giving her lots of hugs. She said she liked it but she was still sad. I followed her again the next day. She was crying again. I watched until she went to bed again. 

I told Nate that Sophie was sad. I told him I was watching her. I thought he was going to be mad and tell Sophie but he didn’t. He just said “good”. I think that meant he wanted me to watch her more. I wanted to watch her more too. Sophie always takes care of us. I need to find out what’s wrong so we can take care of her. 

Tara: 

I saw Eliot in the hotel in Beirut. I knew he was looking for me. I hid from him. Sophie may be the master of disguise but I can disappear when I want to. 

I was so mad at Sophie. The awful things she said made me feel sick. I didn’t want to go with her and Eliot. I knew Sophie wouldn’t want to leave. No matter what she thought about me, Sophie always keeps her promises. I knew that it would hurt her when Eliot made her go. It made me sick to my stomach but I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me. I had a passport that she didn’t know about. I used that name to leave Beirut with the Americans. I knew she would never be able to track me. I would disappear. Disappearing is something that I am good at. I should be. I learned from the best. If I was lucky, I would never have to see Sophie Devereaux again. 

The more I thought about our fight the more I realized that she was right about everything. There was no relationship. There never had been. She always left me. The first time, in Italy, she didn’t leave me a note or say good bye or anything that she should have done. I found out later that she had lied about everything. Her name, her country, her accent: it was all fake. I was angry then too. That’s why I said we could just have sex. That we didn’t even have to be friends. She agreed to the rules. She was the one who said we couldn’t talk about emotions or say ‘I love you’. But then she would do something wonderful and I felt like she really did love me. I know Sophie is a grifter. She’s the best grifter I’ve ever known. Sophie tells lies easier than she tells the truth. Even her name is a lie. I knew that. I knew it and I still fell for it every single time. Even when she was being kind, loving, I always knew she would leave. We were never about anything but using each other. We always had a good time but every time I would start to believe in us, she would run away. Everything about us was lies, hers to me and mine to myself. 

I was depressed and I was angry. I tried to get over it. I wanted to forget I ever met Sophie Devereaux or whatever she was calling herself now. I tried but I couldn’t. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her. Every time the phone rang, I jumped. Whether it was love or lust, it didn’t seem to matter. She had been a part of my life for so long, I couldn’t imagine it without her. I stayed away as long as I could but I was going to have to see her, just one more time.

Parker:

I started watching Sophie every night. Sometimes I got to my place outside her apartment before she even got home. At night, I let myself in and made sure she had food. Sometimes I checked her sleeping, just to make sure she wasn’t too sad. Sophie would kill me if she caught me breaking into her apartment. I didn’t tell Nate or Hardison about that either. They would tell me it was wrong. They would yell at me and then they would tell Sophie. I don’t think I could handle Sophie being mad at me so I don’t tell anyone. I just watch and hope that she’s going to be OK.

It’s been over six months since Sophie came home. We’ve been doing our jobs, conning and stealing and making the bad people pay. Sophie is OK at work so I don’t watch her there but I still do at night. She’s still sad at home. She doesn’t eat enough and she’s getting too skinny. I want to make her better. When I ask her what’s wrong she tells me ‘nothing’. I don’t think she’s sad about nothing. I think she’s sad because Tara doesn’t want to date her any more. It makes me mad at Tara that she hurt my Sophie. If I find her, I might really throw her off a building. I wonder if that would make Sophie happy?

Tara:

I’ve never missed Sophie like this. We have always spent most of our time apart and sometimes we wouldn’t see each other for months. I thought about her all the time but it’s never been an obsession like this. I can’t think straight. I haven’t worked a job in weeks. I keep checking flights to Boston. I need to see Sophie but I’m not ready to forgive her. She thinks I’m just using her for sex. Well maybe I am. We’ve always been good at that. The rest was just in my head. Well we don’t need to pretend to care anymore. If all she wants is sex, that’s what I will give her. And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to get her out of my system and move on. But until I see her, until I am sure, I can’t let go. I’m going to fly to Boston. I am going to see her. I am going to use her and let her use me. If that’s all we are, maybe I can stop lying to myself, stop trying to make something out of nothing, maybe I can get over her. First I need her to tell me the truth for once.

Parker:

I am hanging off a balcony when I see Tara. I want to tell her that I hate her, that she doesn’t deserve Sophie. I want to take her to the roof and show her what I do to people who hurt my friends. I think Tara wants to see Sophie. She’s standing outside the door. I wonder if Sophie will be happy to see Tara or if it will make her mad. I decide to watch for a while. If Sophie needs me, I will be here. 

I watch Tara pick Sophie’s lock. She needs better tools. Sophie needs a better lock. I told her that but she didn’t care. It’s not hard for Tara to break in. I watch for lights. I listen for yelling or crying. I’m ready if my Sophie needs me. 

Tara:

I walk around downtown Boston for a long time. I’m scared to go to see Sophie. Scared and excited at the same time. I can’t wait to touch her, to feel her skin against mine. The thought makes me shiver and I pull my coat tighter around me. I turn in the direction of her apartment and start walking. But then I wonder if she’s alone? Has she found someone else? Has she finally committed to Nate? What if I made her go to Nate? What if he’s with her now? Am I crazy thinking I can just show up and she’ll let me in? I wasn’t very nice to her either. What if she hates me now? Well, if she does then that means she must have liked me once too. Lord. Even for me, that’s pretty twisted.  
I find myself standing outside her apartment. It’s late and I’m sure she’s in bed. All of her lights are out except for the one in the entry. She always keeps that one on. She says it’s so no one can surprise her. It wouldn’t stop me. Or Parker. She needs an alarm or a dog. I hope she hasn’t invested in either. 

I have my lock picks out. I’m not thinking straight. I know this is bad. There is no way this is going to end well. It’s not like a bar where I can sneak up on her and we all get a good laugh out of it. I’m breaking into her apartment in the middle of the night. I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop myself. I have to see her. I have completely lost control of my mind and my body. 

Parker: 

Tara is inside Sophie’s apartment. I want to know what she does. I don’t think she’s going to hurt Sophie. Sophie can take care of herself. Eliot taught her Krav Maga and she can hit really hard. It’s not like she needs to though. Sophie can talk her way out of anything. She’s the best in the world.

Tara:

I know she heard me at the door. It wasn’t the smoothest pick I’ve ever done, my hands were shaking. I go to her bedroom. She doesn’t move but I can hear her breathing. She’s alone. She doesn’t tell me to go. I can’t think of anything to say so I just lie down next to her. I expect her to yell or hit me or just tell me to go away but she doesn’t. She doesn’t do anything. Maybe she wants me too. Maybe she can’t stop thinking about me either. We’ve always been good at the sex part. Well, that’s what I’m here for isn’t it? “Hello Sophie” I say.

“Bloody Hell Tara! Are you trying to scare the bloody shit out of me?” she swears at me. I laugh at her. I’m not going to let her get to me no matter how angry she is. I don’t care anymore. I keep telling myself that anyway. “Why are you here Tara?” ‘I’m the selfish bitch who only wants to use you remember?’ That’s what I want to say but it comes out as “Why do you think?” “I honestly don’t know” she says. I raise an eyebrow at that. “Tara! You disappeared and I haven’t heard from you in over six months.” I don’t like that she’s putting this on me. That’s not exactly the way it happened. I want to remind her that this is on her. “You mean since you left me?” She starts backtracking. Telling me that she didn’t want to go. That it wasn’t her fault. Never does she tell me she’s sorry for the things she said. She’s not sorry because, for once in her life, she told the truth. “I didn’t come here to fight” I tell her. She starts talking again. “I don’t want to talk either!” 

I pull the quilt off of her. I’m waiting for her to tell me no, to tell me to stop. I want her to tell me this is wrong, that none of what she said was true, that she’s not going to let me do this. She doesn’t move. 

I can’t help but stare. God how I’ve missed her. She’s thinner than I’ve ever seen her but still breathtakingly beautiful. I reach out my hand and put it on her chest. I feel the knots in my stomach tighten. How did I ever think I could forget her? I love her. More than anyone I’ve ever loved in my life. I don’t think I can live without her. And we always have a good time. We’re good at sex. Really good. If that’s all she wants, well then I can give that to her. Maybe someday she’ll realize that we could be so much more than this. 

I have my hand on her breast. I can tell she wants me to touch her. I move my mouth to taste her and she runs her hands through my hair. She pulls me toward her. I kiss her and she kisses me back. It’s a desperate kiss. We need each other. We’ve always needed each other. It’s not right to live this way but we’re tangled together. We’ll never be able to unravel ourselves. It’s just going to have to be what it is because I don’t think I will ever want to live without her. 

I try to pull away but she holds on to me. She doesn’t want to let me go. I don’t want to let her go either. I run my hands down her body. She feels so good, so soft and warm. I want to touch her everywhere. I want to make her happy. But then I remember her words, finally she said something true. This is not about making either of us happy. This is about what we can take from each other. Well, that’s why I’m here, to take. To be the person she thinks I am. The thought makes me feel sick to my stomach but I can’t stop myself. 

She reaches for my blouse but I move away. I begin to touch her. She’s moving, trying to get my fingers to the right place but I’m not going to let her. I kiss her again. I can feel how much she wants me now. I put my fingers inside her and she jumps. She pushes herself against my hand. I push harder and she begins to move. It makes me feel good to see her pain, her desperation. I don’t need her to touch me now. All I need is to bring her to her breaking point. I want to watch her face. I want to feel her body tremble. I touch my tongue to her and she gasps. She’s hovering on the edge. She’s trying to hold on. I have complete control over her now. I let her go and her body twitches then I put my mouth to her again. I’m not done. I want to bring her back. I want to make her cry out. I want her to know that I can control her. I can take what I want, whenever I want. I want to be the person she thinks I am. I laugh as she gasps for air. I tease her until I’m done with her and then I let her have what she wants. 

She’s lying naked on the bed and I can’t keep myself from looking at her. “God you’re beautiful” I tell her. She starts to reach for me but I don’t let her. “I’ve missed this. The way you look. The way you feel. I tried. I really tried. I had to see you. I had to touch you. I need this in my life.” This is the most truth I’ve said all night, maybe in my whole life. She asks me again to come to her. I want to. I want it to be like it was before. When I could still pretend that we had something together. When it felt good to lie next to her. I reach out to touch her again but I can’t do it. I don’t want to care anymore. I shake my head. “I need a shower” I say and get off the bed quickly before I change my mind. 

In the bathroom, the tears start to come. This isn’t who I wanted to be. But I suppose it’s who I’ve become. I’m a grifter, a pretender, a liar. I manipulate people and I’m good at it. I can make anyone do what I want them to do. Everyone but Sophie. Sophie is exactly the same. How can two lying thieves ever be in a real relationship when all we know how to do is take? 

I stand under the water until the tears stop. When I come out of the bathroom, Sophie is wrapped up in her quilt. Her eyes are closed and her breathing is slow. I put my hand on her cheek. She feels good. She feels warm. I kiss her and I whisper in her ear “Good-bye Sophie”. She doesn’t move. I don’t want to come here again. I don’t want to be this person I’ve become. The tears start again and I grab my coat and run out of the apartment into the cold winter night.

Parker:

It’s a long time before Tara comes out of Sophie’s apartment. I don’t mind. I like the cold and I like hanging upside down. I doze until I hear Sophie’s door open. I can see Tara. Her hair is all wet and she is crying. I wonder what happened. I used to like Tara. I was happy when Sophie said she had a date with Tara. But then Tara hurt my Sophie. I’m glad she’s crying. I’m glad Sophie told her to go away. Maybe now Sophie will be happy again.

Sophie doesn’t turn her lights on so I guess I should go home. I’ll come back in the morning and make sure she’s OK. I hope she’s happy that Tara came back. Or maybe she’s happy that Tara left. I peek in her window and she’s asleep. It make me feel good that she’s not crying. 

Tara:

I ran out of Sophie’s apartment without thinking. I’m not going to be able to catch a cab this time of night. I’m going to have to walk back downtown and try to find a place to stay. It starts to snow. Beautiful. This night just can’t get any better. I need to find someplace warm where I can get a drink and figure out what I’m going to do.  
I find a 24 hour coffee shop and slip inside. The hot coffee warms me up and, after bringing it to me, the waitress disappears. Fine with me. I’m not in the mood to talk anyway. I need to think. Every part of me wants to go back to Sophie’s. I want to crawl into bed next to her. I want to apologize for everything. I want it to be like it was before when we could just lie together all night, talking and not talking. Just touching each other because we wanted to. I keep telling myself that it was all a lie but my body refuses to believe it. I miss her already. 

I let my head fall into my hands. I was awful to her tonight. She’s never going to want me again, not like before. If we ever see each other again, it’s going to be like tonight. Cold. Desperate. Lonely. I feel tears starting again and I pinch my earlobe until they go away.

I need to go away. I need to get the Hell out of Boston and never come back. I need to go somewhere where there’s warm water and an endless beach. I need to swim so far away that I can’t remember Sophie Devereaux or why I ever wanted her in the first place.

Parker:

I can’t sleep. I never do. There is too much on my mind. The sun is finally coming up. I can go back to Sophie’s now and she won’t yell at me. I stop and buy her some tea and a muffin. Now I have a reason to go there and she won’t think I’m spying on her. I knock softly on her door but she doesn’t answer. I look through the window. She is sitting on the couch but she doesn’t look awake. Her eyes are closed and her face doesn’t look right. I knock again and she still doesn’t move. She’s scaring me now. I need to know if she’s OK. I get out my picks and unlock her door. I push it open and she wakes up. She’s looking at me. She’s going to be mad at me. I’m waiting for her to tell me to go away but she doesn’t. She tells me to come in. She wants to know why I am here. I don’t want to tell her I was spying. I remember I have the tea and I show her the bag. She takes the tea and smiles so she’s not mad at me. She drinks some and makes a face. I think I got the wrong kind of tea. She looks sick. I want to make her better. Her hair is wet. That’s going to make her sicker. I get a brush and try to fix it for her. She likes me brushing her hair. I like it too. It makes me want to remember someone. I remember a hair brushing song. It makes me feel good. It makes Sophie feel good too.

Tara:

I have a plan of sorts. I check my phone, looking for flights to Australia. Its summer there. The water will be warm. Sydney is a whole world away from Boston. I book a flight for the afternoon. I can hang out at the airport. Maybe get some sleep. Maybe find someone to buy me some drinks. Maybe get some relief from the thoughts in my head. .  
Parker: 

Sophie is happier now. That makes me happy. She tells me that she loves me. I tell her I love her too. It’s all like I want it to be. Sophie was sad but now she’s not. Everything is better now. And then I say something stupid. “I love you Sophie but not like Tara loves you.” She stops moving. It should have made her happy but it doesn’t. She wants to know how I know things. I confess that I’ve been watching her. She tells me it’s not OK but she’s not mad at me. She wants me to tell her about Tara. She tells me that Tara doesn’t love her anymore. I don’t think that’s true. I tell her Tara was crying. That means she loves her right? Sophie doesn’t know. She starts to cry again. I want her to stop crying. It makes me feel funny. I don’t know how to fix her when she cries. I give her a hug. She holds on to me and cries more. I put my arms around her and sing her my song. She cries for a long time before she falls asleep.

I hold her until my arms go numb. I move but she doesn’t wake up. I lay her on the couch and cover her with her quilt. I want to wipe the tears on her cheeks. I touch her face and it’s hot. Not like when you’re outside running and your face gets hot. It’s a sick kind of hot. I don’t know what to do now. I call Hardison. He’s mad that I woke him up. I make him stop talking at me and tell him that Sophie is sick. He promises he’ll come right over. 

When Hardison sees Sophie, he gets really nervous. He tells me she’s really sick. He says he needs to call Nate. Nate will take her to the hospital. I tell him no. Sophie doesn’t want to go to the hospital. I can take care of her. I tell him that it’s not her body that’s sick but her heart. I tell him about Tara. I tell him how much Tara made her cry. I tell him that only Tara can fix her. He says he’ll try to find Tara. 

Nate and Eliot come to Sophie’s apartment too. Nate touches her face. He says she needs to go to the hospital too. I stand in front of Sophie. I tell him no. I tell him Sophie would be really mad. I tell him I can take care of her. He doesn’t look like he believes me but he says OK. He says we will all take care of her. But if she doesn’t get better, he tells me that he is going to take her and even I can’t stop him.

Nate goes to Sophie’s kitchen and fixes her some tea. He wants me to get Sophie to drink it but she doesn’t want to wake up. He gives me a cold cloth for her head. We need to get her fever to come down. Nate and Eliot take her to the bedroom. I don’t know what else to do to make her feel better so I lie down on the bed and I put my arms around her. Maybe she’ll think Tara came back and it will make her feel better.  
Tara:  
I catch a cab to the airport and find a quiet place to sit for a while. One of the benefits of traveling as much as I do is that I can sleep anywhere, even in the horrible seats they put in airports. I fall sleep but all of my dreams are about Sophie. When I wake up, I don’t feel any better. I decide to get some coffee and some exercise. A good long walk will help me to clear my head. Logan isn’t a huge airport but it’s still a good distance from end to end. I’m on my third lap when I hear someone yelling my name.  
Parker:

I tell Hardison that he has to find Tara. I need to talk to her. I need her to come back and help Sophie. I am holding Sophie in her bed. She finally stops making noises and moving around. I know she’s sleeping. Hardison is yelling. I tell him he has to be quiet. He tells me he found Tara. She’s leaving for Australia. She’s at the airport and if we don’t hurry we might not ever be able to find her. 

I give Sophie a tight hug and whisper in her ear to wait for me. I’ll come back with help. I tell Nate and Eliot to watch her. Nate grunts at me but Eliot says he’ll take care of her. Hardison tells me to get an earbud so everyone can hear what’s going on. He grabs the keys to Nate’s car but I give him my “don’t mess with me right now” look and he hands them over. He tells Eliot he’d be happy to stay with Sophie if he wants. Eliot laughs at him. “No bro! I got it. You go with Parker. I don’t mind.” I’m not sure what they’re talking about but I get the feeling that going with me is not the prize. They’re just big chickens.

Hardison grumbles and swears at me the whole way to the airport. I don’t see why he doesn’t like me to drive. I can get there way faster than if anyone else drives. I leave Hardison in front of the airport and do some thief stuff to get into the security area. Hardison directs me on the comm to where he thinks Tara might be. There are too many people and its taking me too long to find her. I’m starting to get worried that she’s not here.

Finally I see her. I can tell it’s Tara from her hair and the way she walks. She’s walking away from me. I start yelling at her and pushing people out of the way. I don’t like having to move this way. I like to slip by people so they don’t see me. I don’t like that everyone is looking at me. Everyone but Tara!  
I keep yelling and pushing until finally she stops. She looks surprised to see me. I don’t know why she should be surprised. This is what we do, we find people. And besides, we’re a team. I might not like her anymore but she’ll always be part of our team.

I try to tell Tara about Sophie. I tell her that Sophie needs her. She tells me that it’s not true. Sophie doesn’t need her. Sophie doesn’t love her. I don’t tell her that Sophie said the same thing about her. I know how they both cried. I don’t know a lot about love but I know that nobody cries about someone they don’t love.  
Finally Tara says she’ll come back with me to see Sophie. I know everything will be alright now. I just need to get them together and Tara can make Sophie’s heart whole again. 

Tara:

I hear someone yelling my name. I don’t stop. It’s not for me. No one knows I’m here. No one knows I’m in Boston. No one except for Sophie. Sophie doesn’t run through airports yelling at people. I finally stop and turn only to have a tall blonde woman run into me. “Parker? What? Parker, what are you doing here?” She gives me one of her looks, letting me know she finds the question ridiculous. “I’m here to get you” she says. I shake my head. “Why Parker?” Another look. “Because Sophie needs you.” I sigh. “No Parker. Sophie doesn’t need me. Not anymore.” She shakes her head now too, her pony tail whipping back and forth. “No Tara. You don’t understand.” I press my hand to my forehead. “You’re right Parker. I don’t understand. And I have a plane to catch. Good-bye Par…” She grabs my arm, hard enough to hurt me. 

“Tara, you have to come back!” she tells me. “No Parker, I really don’t. Sophie and I are done. I don’t think she wants to see me anymore.” She looks at me. I can tell she doesn’t understand. I try again. “You need to understand Parker. Sophie and I, we had fun but I don’t think she loves me and I’m not sure I love her anymore either. It’s time for both of us to move on. Sophie loves Nate. I need to go away so they can be together.” She’s shaking her head so hard that her hair is flying again. “No Tara. You’re wrong. Sophie is sad all the time. I try to make her happy but she cries. And now she’s sick. You’re the only one who can fix her.”  
Parker’s words make my heart ache. It would make me happy to believe her, but I don’t. She doesn’t know what happened, what we said, what we did. What I did. I can’t explain it to her. I don’t even understand it myself.

She tightens her grip on my arm and starts pulling me back the way she came. “You have to come Tara! You have to. Sophie needs you! I need you.” I start to tell her again that Sophie doesn’t want to see me but she’s not listening any more. “You don’t understand Tara. Sophie is sick. Really really sick. She’s really hot and her face is white. She sleeps all the time and when I try to give her tea, she throws up and she cries and the things she says, they don’t make any sense.” 

She’s got my attention now but I still don’t see the connection. “Parker, if Sophie is sick, you need to take her to the doctor. Take her to the hospital. They’ll give her what she needs.” She shakes her head no. She looks like she might cry herself. “You don’t get it Tara. Sophie doesn’t need a doctor. She’s sick because her heart is broken. You need to fix her heart. I tried but I can’t. Only you can make her better.” She pulls on me again but I stand my ground. 

She looks at me now with her sad green eyes. “I’m sorry Tara. I’m sorry I bothered you.” Her voice turns cold. “I need to go now. Sophie needs me.” She turns and walks away. I want to do the same. Australia, the beach, freedom. They’re all waiting for me just around the corner. I watch Parker as she walks away. Her head and shoulders are down. I’ve never known Parker to be defeated like this. Maybe she’s right. As ridiculous as it sounds, maybe Sophie really does need my help. I make a decision. “Parker! Wait! I’m coming with you.”

Parker turns her head and smiles at me but keeps walking. I have to jog to keep up with her. As soon as we leave security, I see Hardison and I realize that she’s got an earbud on. Now Hardison knows everything and probably Nate and Eliot too. I want to catch her and throw her off the nearest roof but then she looks at me and I see the desperation in her eyes and the trust she has that I am going to be able to fix all of this. I follow her to her car, parked illegally in front of the airport of course. 

Parker jumps into the driver’s seat. Hardison and I are barely in the car when she squeals the tires pulling away from the curb, nearly flattening a couple of pedestrians. She navigates the Boston traffic like an Indy car driver and Sophie’s place is the finish line. I can’t watch so I turn to Hardison in the back seat. 

He looks like he’s holding on for dear life. I can imagine the argument they must have had deciding who was going to drive. It probably wasn’t a fair fight with Parker acting the way she is. He sees me looking and quickly becomes absorbed with the graphics on his phone. “Hardison.” No answer. “Hardison!” He reluctantly looks up from his phone, looks out the front window behind me then quickly looks away. “I deleted all of the tracking software on my phone” I tell him. “I know” he says. “How did you find me then?” “Uhhh, I still have some tricks” he says. “He found your airline reservations” Parker says loudly. Hardison glares at the back of her head. “I didn’t use my real name” I say. Parker pipes up again, “He knows all of your names.” I turn back to the front. Sophie’s right. I need to get some better ID.

Parker pulls up in front of Sophie’s building, squealing the tires again. She jumps out and throws the keys at Hardison then yells at me to hurry as she runs up the front steps. “Oh I see how it is” he starts mumbling. “First you nearly give me a coronary with your bat ass crazy driving then you expect me to park the car for you like I’m your damn valet.” I throw him a sympathetic smile as I climb out of the car and follow Parker into the building.

Parker:

When we get to Sophie’s apartment, Eliot is happy to see Tara. He gives her a kiss on the lips. I can’t tell what Nate thinks. He doesn’t want to talk to her. Maybe he’s mad that I brought her back. I make her come to the bedroom to see Sophie. She starts to cry when she sees her. I tell her about lying next to Sophie, how that makes her sleep quiet. I tell her she should do that and I will get another cold cloth to put on Sophie’s head for her fever. When I come back, Tara is holding Sophie and whispering to her, talking about love. She is crying. I leave them alone and go to bug Eliot about making some lunch.

Tara:

The mood is tense and awkward when I enter Sophie’s apartment. Nate and Eliot are there and, though I was just here, it seems foreign to me now. Eliot gives me a kiss, tells me how he missed me. Nate just glares. I am sure now that he knows that Sophie and I have been seeing each other. I wonder if he’s angry? Or disappointed that Sophie was never all his? I want to tell him it’s his own fault. If he ever tried, he could have had her. She really does love him. Her dream of a relationship was always with a man, with him. I would have never been able to compete with that. He doesn’t believe Parker’s crazy theories and I’m sure he doesn’t think I do either. He must be wondering why I came back. Well, if he’s too thick to figure it all out for himself, I’m not going to help him. I’m here to see Sophie. I will talk to her and make Parker happy and then I will disappear for good. 

All of those plans evaporate when Parker pulls me into Sophie’s room. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can barely see through the tears that are burning my eyes. Sophie looks horrible. Her normally olive skin is pale and splotchy. Her cheeks are bright red from fever. In only one day, it looks like she has wasted away. She was too thin before but now she looks frail. Parker is saying something about lying in bed with her to keep her still. I can’t think of anything else I want to do but hold her. Parker leaves to get something for Sophie’s fever. While she’s gone, I strip and crawl under the quilt next to her, wrapping her tight in my arms. I keep telling her over and over how much I love her, how much I need her, how sorry I am. Parker puts a wet rag on her forehead then scurries out.

Several hours later, Parker brings another rag and touches me gently on the shoulder. Eliot has something for me to eat. I don’t want to leave but Parker tells me I need to. She will be with Sophie for a while and then I can come back for the night. I go and eat with the boys and we try to have normal conversations but it’s obvious we’re all thinking the same thing. How long are we going to let this craziness go on before we take Sophie to the hospital?

As it turns out, three days was how long we were willing to wait. Parker and I took shifts with Sophie. Eliot cooked food for us and broth for Sophie. We tried to feed it to her. We tried to keep her hydrated. Sometimes it stayed down, more often it didn’t. Hardison and Nate buried themselves in work, when they weren’t in the apartment, they were very close by. We tried to reason with Parker but she refused to be swayed. I was torn. I know how Sophie feels about hospitals. We’d already had the conversation years ago. Still, I wasn’t as sure as Parker was that we could keep her alive let alone heal her. 

It has been 4 nights since I came to settle things with Sophie. I was in so much pain that night and I know the pain that I caused her was immense. At times it seems like another lifetime but then I poke the wound and I know it is still fresh. I can feel it every time I look at Sophie, every time I have to carry her to the shower to cool her off. I hold her tight and promise I will never let her go if she will let me back. I am terrified that she will die without ever knowing how much I love her. I am terrified that she will live and never tell me she loves me back.  
Parker is with Sophie when she finally opens her eyes.

Parker:

Sophie looked at me. I mean not like when she opens her eyes but she doesn’t really see. She really looked at me. I thought she was going to talk to me but then she closed them really quick. I want to jump up and tell everybody. I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up again. I tell her I’ll be right back while I get a rag for her forehead. I wait for Tara to come so I can tell her.

Tara:  
Parker thinks Sophie was awake, at least for a few seconds. She goes to tell everyone and have Eliot warm up some soup for her. I want to believe her. I lie in bed with her but I don’t sleep. I want to be here when she wakes this time. Sophie starts to move again. She opens her eyes for just a few seconds. I wait for her to see me, to know that I’m here for her but she closes them quickly. Her face pales. I think she might be sick again. I wipe her face with a cool towel. I get back into bed beside her. I wrap my arms around her tight. I feel her sink into me. I can’t relax until I know she is asleep.  
The next time she wakes, she looks stronger. I help her to sit up a bit. I give her sips of water. She looks at me but her eyes are not focused. She doesn’t act like she knows who I am. Maybe that’s good. I don’t want to upset her so I don’t say anything.  
Parker:

The next time Sophie wakes up I am with her again. I am sitting in a chair watching her. I am using my mental telepathy to tell her to wake up. I think it might be working. I try to use it to tell Eliot to bring some soup but he doesn’t hear me. I go to tell Tara but she’s out. I get Sophie some soup and I feed her just a little bit. She looks like she’s better. I tell her she needs to sleep and she does. I can’t wait to tell the others that Sophie is better now.

I leave her alone, just for a minute, just to tell Eliot and Nate when I hear a crash and a cry. I run to the bathroom with Eliot right behind me. Sophie is on the floor. She cut her head and its bleeding all over her. Eliot is mad. He’s yelling at me for leaving her alone. Nate is yelling. He wants to take her to the hospital. I want to run away. I hate it when they yell at me. I can’t run away. I need to take care of Sophie. I tell Nate and Eliot no hospital. They listen to me. They don’t always listen but I am mad and they are afraid. I help Sophie to go to the bathroom and then Eliot fixes her head. It makes everyone happy that she needs to go. Hardison says that means she’s getting better. I give her some ice for her head and help her back into her bed. 

Sophie sleeps for a while then calls for me. I look at Tara but she says it’s OK for me to go. She’s still scared to talk to Sophie. She’s afraid that Sophie is mad, that seeing her might make her worse. I told her that Sophie still loves her, that’s why she was so sad. Tara says she doesn’t know what to believe any more.  
Sophie wants to take a shower. She asks me to help her. Tara is watching when I help Sophie take off her robe. I want Tara to help Sophie too. She understands me this time. She takes off her clothes to help Sophie into the shower and Sophie starts to fall. Tara catches her and holds her close. I want to stay and watch. I want to know what they say. I know Hardison would tell me to leave them alone so I do.

Tara:

I was mad at Parker for letting Sophie fall. I was madder at myself that I wasn’t there when she needed me - again. When she asks Parker to help her take a shower, I am jealous. Eliot reminds me that Sophie doesn’t know I’m here. He tells me to go and help her. Parker lets me take her. She leaves us alone. I don’t know what I’m going to say to Sophie. I don’t know what she’s going to say to me. I just hope she can understand why I came back. I hope she can still love me.

She doesn’t turn around but, as soon as I pull her close to me, she knows I’m not Parker. “Tara?” “Of course” I tell her “who else would I be?” I feel her body relax just a bit and she leans into me. She wants to talk but I don’t. Not now. Not yet. We have forever to talk. Right now I can only think about helping her. I try not to but I can’t help thinking about how good it feels to have her in my arms again. I promise, if she’ll have me, that I won’t ever let her go again.

I help Sophie dress and take her out to the front room to see everyone. Just this little bit of activity has exhausted her but everyone wants to see her. The boys all give her kisses and hugs. Parker makes her some tea. I sit next to her and hold her hand. She doesn’t seem to mind that everyone sees it. I hope that maybe this means we can still be friends. Maybe she still wants me.

Sophie gets stronger every day. Parker and I help her during the day and at least one of us is with her when she sleeps. Now that the immediate danger is over, the boys come and go more. Eliot always makes sure there is food for us and something for Sophie. We’ve spent some time alone but we haven’t had a chance, or the need to talk. Sophie is still in survival mode, she doesn’t have the energy for anything more than that. I don’t want to disturb her. I don’t want to ask what she wants because I am afraid that the answer will be to tell me to go. I don’t want to leave her again. 

Several days later, Sophie is sitting next to me on the couch. She heard Parker say that she was sick with something doctors couldn’t fix. She wanted to know what that meant. I explained Parker’s crazy theory about her being sick from a broken heart. I try to sound like I don’t believe it but just my being here proves that isn’t true. Sophie doesn’t think it sounds so crazy either. She says Parker knows things that other people don’t know. I start to apologize. Parker is right and this is all my fault. “No” Sophie says “this is both of our responsibility.” “I never wanted anything to happen to you Sophie.” I can hear the begging in my voice but I can’t help it. I need her to understand. “You have to believe that. I was just so angry. I tried to stay away. To let it end. But I couldn’t. I thought about you all the time. I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t work. I had to see you again. But then I thought maybe if I made it all about the sex, be selfish, like you said I was, then maybe you would realize you were wrong. That maybe we did have a relationship. And maybe one day you would be comfortable with that and love me back.” Sophie starts to cry and my chest gets tight. “Oh God Tara.” She says. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean any of that. I really didn’t. It was just the situation, I was scared. For you. I can take care of myself. I always have. But I don’t know how to take care of someone else. I’m trying to learn though.” She tries to smile, to show me she’s sincere. She keeps talking, “and then you started talking about relationships and wasting your time on me and I knew you were right.” My heart begins to ache. My stomach is in knots. I try to tell her it isn’t true. It hurts me to know that she thinks that. She’s the only thing in my life that’s been worthwhile. I need to make her believe that but she shakes her head at me. “It is true Tara. If it weren’t for me, maybe you would have met someone who can love you for who and what you are. Someone who isn’t so scared all the time. Someone that you really could have a relationship with.” “No Sophie” I try to tell her she’s wrong but she keeps talking. “All that time, I was chasing Nate around, hoping he’d finally want me, feeling sorry for myself. But I already had everything I wanted. I just never really gave you what you deserved.” I’m crying now too. She puts her arms around me and pulls me close. My head goes to her shoulder. I move closer and she rests her cheek on my head. For the first time in a long time I feel happy.

I am so focused on Sophie and what she is saying that I have completely forgotten that the others are there. Parker claps as if this were the final act of a play and this is the happy ending she was hoping for. The noise breaks the mood and I realize that everyone is watching, including Nate. 

I close my eyes and try to stay in the moment. I realize that Nate is talking to Sophie. He is telling her to be with me. I think I must have misunderstood but Sophie pulls me tighter as he talks. He doesn’t think he can make her happy. He thinks that maybe I can. I want to hug and kiss him and tell him thank you but Sophie is not going to let me go. I promise I will thank him later. He knows what he’s giving up. He loves her too. Finally I realize that Nate really does care about the others, even me. I wish I had given him more credit earlier but it’s not too late for me to make things right with him. I have a lot of work to do to make up with everyone here but I will make everything right. First I need to make things right with Sophie. 

I push her away from me. I need to see her face. “What about you Soph? What do you want?” She closes her eyes and searches for an answer. I feel like I can’t breathe. There’s nothing in my life that I’ve ever wanted more than this. I feel as if my heart might explode. I want to hear her say yes but I am terrified that she might say no. “I don’t know yet Tara. But I will. OK?” 

OK. I can live with that. Really, after the way I behaved, I shouldn’t ask for more than that. She continues, “I only know one thing. I want you in my life. I love you Tara. I always have. I can say that now.”  
Her words are the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. It’s a start. It’s a place we can build from. If I can help make this work for her, I can have what I have always wanted. Someone I can give myself to. Someone who will love me back. I pull her back to me and kiss her before wrapping her in my arms. “I love you too Sophie.”

Parker:

I watched Sophie and Tara closely. I heard what they said. It makes my heart feel happy that they love each other again. All I’ve ever wanted in my life was a happy ending.


End file.
